The Ecstasy of Music

08/03/2021

My bones break when I lose myself, but no pain is felt at all. Pleasure is not differentiable from pain. I lose myself in the music, communication with the virtual other (e.g., the musician). I feel the pain of speaking and my ears ring as I get goosebumps from feeling cold and a bolt of electricity is sent up my spine. This is a quivering which no other could bear, but I cannot bear it either let me say. No one can bear it because there is only zero. I don’t understand why I am, and it makes me want to scream but I cannot. Asphyxiation causes me to stay silent. I have written about music and how it is a kind of inner experience before. And this most probably will not be the last time I write of music-as-inner-experience either. I do not understand music. I do not produce music. In fact, music cannot be produced because music isn’t the song, that is its domesticated form. Music is the experience that can “take place” while listening to the song. Music is important for Nietzsche, and it is important for me too. I probably would have killed myself without it by now. I’m blind to the stars in the daylight sky, but THE SKY TAKES OFF ITS MASK IN THE NIGHT! I am one of Nietzsche’s insane dancers…

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Evan Jack

How sweet terror is, not a single line, or a ray of morning sunlight fails to contain the sweetness of anguish. - Georges Bataille